Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the fairest panto of them all? Matthew Jenkin braces himself for another panto season.
SLAPSTICK dwarves, a giant beanstalk and lamp-dwelling genies can only mean one thing — panto season is here again.
So start practising your boos and brace yourself for those nudge, nudge, wink, wink double entendres, because the festive family tradition of cross-dressing and heckling fairytale characters is coming soon.
While Fairfield Halls in Croydon, known for its old school take on the genre, has EastEnders actor Larry Lamb as the baddie in their production of Aladdin, opening on December 2, this year all eyes are on The Orchard in Dartford and The Churchill Theatre in Bromley.
The two theatre giants will be going head to head with competing productions of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
It’s a face-off which could get ugly and I wouldn’t be surprised if a mirror is cracked or a dwarf or seven thrown during the fracas.
In the poisoned apple red corner is the Bromley High Street venue’s big bucks show, opening on December 2, featuring the saucy Patsy Kensit as The Wicked Queen.
The bad girl turned wholesome mum is sure to get dads’ pulses racing.
However, The Orchard is aiming their glitter cannon squarely at the mums and grans.
Opening on December 9, the show hopes to ride on the coat-tails of Strictly Come Dancing’s popularity with a dragged up Craig Revel Horwood as the queen and Ann Widdecombe as her long-suffering servant.
The former MP and joke entry in last year’s series of the BBC show is sure to raise a few eyebrows with her foxtrot and dubious acting skills.
Catford’s Broadway Theatre has Jack and the Beanstalk, opening December 10, and is always good value.
As is Sleeping Beauty at Woodville Halls, waking up in time for opening night on December 10.
But if D-list celebs aren’t your thing, Greenwich Theatre’s panto, opening on Thursday, relies on the strength of its writer and star Andrew Pollard.
It’s hardly put a foot wrong for years so their version of Aladdin will doubtless grant all your panto wishes.
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